The Importance of Self-Love and Self-Care

The Importance of Self-Love and Self-Care

Ladies, let’s talk about being intentional with self-love—especially when our spouses are away on training exercises or deployments, and we find ourselves completely alone.

I wanted to share a few things I started doing after what I now call a total flop of a first year in the Army life.

To recap: our first year in the Army was rough. My mental health went down the drain. I was burnt out, overstimulated, and completely exhausted. I gave up on self-care and self-love, hiding behind the excuse: "How can I possibly take care of myself with three little people needing me 24/7?"

But I’ve since learned that self-care isn’t optional—it’s essential. So, here’s a look at what I’ve started doing (and am still doing!) to look after me during solo parenting seasons.

---

1. Self-Care Fridays

Every Friday night, I put the kids to bed early. I even allow Netflix in their rooms—yep, I’m that mum. Why? Because I matter too. I do the full routine: shower, scrub, shave, wash my hair. Then I moisturise, pop on my favourite nightie, do a face mask, and sometimes even a foot spa (when I can fit it in). It’s my little at-home reset.

---

2. Tuesday or Wednesday Nails + Coffee

Every second week, Grace and I hit the nail salon. Is it ideal bringing a little one along? Not always. But when you're newly posted somewhere, you don’t always have a choice. Since moving to Darwin, I’ve made self-care a priority again. I realised how much I missed feeling “put together.”

In Canberra, I stopped doing anything for myself because I convinced myself I couldn’t with the kids in tow. But I’ve since learned to involve them and teach them how to come with me—yes, it took trial, error, and a lot of patience. Usually, the reward for good behaviour is a trip to the play centre afterwards. Now, I can confidently take my 1- and 2-year-old with me—fuss-free (most days)!

---

3. Quality Time with Girlfriends

When women come together to chat and confide in one another, it’s like a soul reset. Book in that mumma playdate! Choose somewhere safe where the kids can play and you can breathe. Or invite friends to your home for a low-key hangout—it doesn’t have to be fancy, just intentional.

---

4. Monthly Mental Health Check-Ins

Especially helpful during solo parenting seasons. Even when I’m not feeling anxious or overwhelmed, having a regular check-in with a therapist gives me space to process the little things. It’s a healthy outlet and has been a lifeline during the hard weeks. 

---

5. A Tidy Home = A Clear Mind

During those long training exercises, I start strong—but by week five? The house is chaos. I finally realised that the mess was feeding my overwhelm. So, I hired a cleaner (just once) and felt instantly better. Now I budget for this whenever my husband is away—it’s one less thing for me to carry alone.

---

6. Join the Gym

I put this off for so long because the logistics of packing up all the kids felt exhausting. But that one hour of brain space? LIFE-CHANGING. I plug in a good audiobook (yes, I’m the weirdo who prefers storytelling and learning over music!) and train uninterrupted. It’s been my sanity-saver during this 4.5-month solo stretch.

---

7. Meal Prep = Less Chaos

Before my husband leaves, we prep meals together. Once those run out, I’ll batch-cook on Saturdays or Sundays. One big cooking and cleaning day means the rest of the week flows smoother. It gives me more space to rest and reinvest in myself throughout the week.

---

8. Scheduled Video Chats with Your People

Living far from your people is hard. But being intentional about regular video chats helps keep those relationships strong. Set reminders, book them in, and show up. The connection is so worth it.

---

9. Time with God

Friday nights are also my time with the Lord. I pray, read my devotional, and catch up on missed quiet time throughout the week. Carving out space for God is healing and keeps me grounded.

---

10. It’s Okay to “Tap Out”—Even Alone

Before anyone gets their knickers in a knot (lol, pun intended), let me explain. When my husband is home, we have a tap-in, tap-out system. But when he’s away? I had to create one with the kids.

If I’m feeling overwhelmed, I say:
“I’m starting to feel frustrated right now. To keep being the best mummy I can be, we’re all going to have 1 hour of quiet time.”

No one is in trouble—it’s not a timeout. Everyone just heads to their own space with their iPad, a book, or a toy. I trained them gradually—starting with 15–30 minutes here and there, when things were calm—not during meltdowns. It works. This little strategy has absolutely saved me during the hardest days.

---

You might be wondering—what does all this have to do with self-love and self-care?

Everything.

When we put systems in place to care for our minds, bodies, and spirits, we’re far less likely to slip into burnout or resentment. We’re loving ourselves the way God asks us to.

---

My Challenge to You:

After bedtime routine tonight, grab a journal and write down:

• What does self-love and self-care mean to me right now?

• What’s stopping me from showing up for myself?

• What can I do to make self-care more achievable in this season?

And lastly—I’d love to hear from you!
What are your go-to ways to make yourself a priority? How do you show yourself love in the thick of motherhood?

Let’s share, support, and encourage each other. You’re not alone. 💗